So I haven't updated this blog in a very long time. Not because I had nothing to write about, because I always have a stack of ideas that I could write at length about. Mostly I think it was because for his first year of primary school, he was settling in really well, excelling and really growing socially. Honestly, I think the superstitious side of me thought I might jinx it. He had the perfect teacher for him, he had very few issues in class, and overall was excited, engaged, and making friends. Well awhile back, that all changed. There was a change up, a change up that he still has not figured out how to get past. They rearranged a few kids and his class got a new student and this student has a hard time in class. Now I want to be clear, this blog post isn't about the new student, this blog post is about my son. I will let their parents worry about any issue with them, my concern is my son.
So for the past few months, Logan gets off the bus and we always have a chat about how his day went. Now keep in mind Logan doesn't lie. He will tell you EXACTLY what happened, even if he knows he might be in trouble. So several times he has come home saying that he lost free time or had a rough day. Always followed by how the new student was loud, disruptive, and really bothers him. To my knowledge none of this is directed at Logan, but it is consistently a problem and Logan can't seem to block this child out. To complicate matters, Logan is "suppose" to be able to tell a teacher when he needs a break in order to recover independently when he starts getting flustered, however Kindergarten in not what is used to be. When I was in Kindergarten I remember coloring, painting and nap time. Now the kids are reading, adding, and doing things we didn't start until 1st or 2nd grade. Now it is so fast paced, I get the feeling he is afraid he will miss something so he doesn't ask for a break when he knows he needs one.
So Thursday we get the phone call every parent dreads. "This is the principal, and your son is in my office." Dun Dun Duh!!!! My husband took the call and handled it. I walk in the door from work that evening and hear the story. After asking the basic parental questions, we have come to figure out that Logan had a rough day because the new student was in class and hadn't been for awhile. Then at lunch he had a hard time keeping his body under control, HUGE clue to us that sensory wise he is already at his max. Then he was moved to a table where other kids that have already been in trouble at lunch get to sit. A kid spit garbage at him twice, Logan spit back, got caught, landing him in the principal's office.
Now as a mother of a child with Aspergers there are a few things I have learned. One; there is almost ALWAYS more to the story when he gets in trouble. Two; having Aspergers is not a free pass for bad behavior, regardless of it being harder for him, he has to learn to behave and follow the rules of society. Three; unless you look at the entire situation from his perspective you will never understand his behavior.
It is hard because the protective Mama Bear in me wants to scream and say "What did you expect? It is like shaking up a bottle of pop and being surprised when it explodes ." However the more rational side of me knows he deserved to get in trouble. He knows better than to spit at someone in any circumstance. He knows if he is overwhelmed he needs to tell an adult that he needs a break. He knows mom can't be there all the time and he needs to be a self advocate. He knows that if someone spits at him he should tell an adult. However he is six, wise beyond his years, but still six. It will take years of practice for all of the coping techniques he has learned to become effortless.
I did call and talk with the principal to let her know we are talking with him at home and working on the problem everyday. I also filled her in on all the things that led up to the incident and the kid who spit at him also wrote an apology note. Also the lunch room aids are going to be made aware of his sensory problems so hopefully with some loving guidance we can avoid setting him up for failure. Also I have been in contact with his teacher about the underlying cause of his anxiety and behavior change in class.
I am thankful the adults in his life are always working toward helping him learn and grow. I am thankful that he has a chance to learn these lessons in a safe space. I am thankful for how far he has come. I believe that these are all just bumps in the road and one day we will tell the story of our first call from his principal and laugh. And I hope one day he can look back on all the lessons learned in Kindergarten and realize that the new student somehow helped him better understand his sensory issues and limits. We can't control our environment but we can learn to cope and process that environment and limit negative responses. These are just a few of things that you never see coming. They blindside you and shake you out of your comfort zone. It reminds me that we have to continue working with him even when he is doing well, we have to keep talking about social situations and practice our responses.
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